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Each woman stood before racks of clothing laughing to themselves, imagining which shirt would make their friends laugh, laughing alone, their feet sore in tight leather heels.

Now, in the living room, they laughed and stretched, savoring the weekend freedom from suits and fitted blouses and another smiled as if to say Yes, that exact thing is divine. I am kept abreast of the very latest scientific knowledge. Male or female, young, old, I can model the ideal form and relate it to any example, from grossly obese to morbidly anorexic, short or long, whatever shape and shade of human being.

If you must, a well-placed glare should inhibit snickering. I have tried to stop by following the advice in “Stop talking to yourself “articles. I read an article recently called “How to Stop Talking to Yourself” on Wiki No need to attack your neighbor’s Ficus tree just because he plays that f—king trumpet night and day. Today, I take a shower, get dressed, walk the dog, go to the market, write a blog post.” “Let’s see. Kaye recently had the fun of judging the Beyond Your Blog Humor Essay Contest. Following are updates on 19 sports: Major League Baseball, NFL, NBA, NHL, College Football, Men’s College Basketball, WNBA, Golf, Tennis, Boxing, Horse Racing, Cycling, Track and Field, Cricket, Rugby, Olympics, Figure Skating, Auto Racing, and Cross Fit.

Don’t say I told you so when Patrick looks at the .83 tab and says, “I guess we could have gone to Hannaford and bought a bottle of wine, couldn’t we? The first question posed was, “Is that you speaking or is it some other voice? Today, I take a shower, get dressed, walk the dog, go to the market, write a blog post.” (Repetition is essential if you’re over 50.) 10. The league is grasping for another scandal such as steroids to bring people back to the ballparks and the MLB Network.

But in order for a scarf to make your outfit even cuter, you have to know how to wear one.

Yeah, you can just drape it around your neck and call it a day… Source Tuck your scarf under a belt over a plain tee for a unique look.

During our last vacation, Patrick and I stayed home because our travel budget was in the red. There may have been a splash of tequila in it, but without doing a chemical analysis, I can’t say for sure. At one point Patrick got too clingy, and we had to march into the non-coed bathroom looking like Siamese twins to dunk my head under water to extract his syrupy hand from my hair. You can expect bewildered glances from other patrons when you return to your table with wet, stringy hair carrying a stockpile of paper towels. (How did that spear get into my hand and hurt that poor little Ficus tree? Today, I take a shower, get dressed, walk the dog, go to the market, write a blog post.” “Let’s see. Her guest posts are recently featured on humorwriters.org, Literary Mama.com, She and She

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I look like the abominable snowman or the Michelin tire mascot. ” Immediately, the scroll across the bottom of the television screen reads, ‘Middle age man attacked by foam packing chips almost suffocates! Before you read about what happened in one of those magazines at the supermarket checkout — with outrageous headlines like “Man Opens Kitchen Cupboard & Survives Avalanche of Tupperware Containers” — here’s my side of the story. Instead of building a fence, tell him I’ve got enough sticky packing tape to seal the entire 2,000 mile Mexican border! The last thing I remember was that I was up to my elbows fishing around trying to locate the parcel. All I can say it that it was like a tactical ballistic scud missile attack. Next, I dashed outside and threw myself to the ground. Illegal immigrants and drug runners wouldn’t dare walk through this stuff! Anyway, on the first night of our “staycation,” we pondered what to have for dinner. As my legs dangled from a giant stool, I bellowed, “This chair is much too big! Don’t order a menu item that includes the word ‘artisan.’ We selected an ‘artisan cheese tray’ which arrived on a rough-hewn board and included fashionable slices and chunks of cultured cheese, along with a few olives, some fig jam, and four lonely crackers. He impressed us when he plunked down eight crackers for our crunching pleasure. If you’re single and don’t want to be, you can fantasize a solution.

There are soooo many of these damn foam chips all over my body that Trump would send his spokesperson out to say there are at least a gazillion! Wolf Blitzer is in the Situation Room showing a photograph of me. Then I rolled up my sleeves, took a deep breath and very slowly reached in. The living room soon looked like a monster lake-effect snowstorm coming in off Lake Ontario burying Buffalo. ” Then I uploaded a video to i Tunes and of course checked my Kardashian Twitter feed. I have a suggestion for President Trump regarding the fence he wants to build to secure the border. Spread truckloads of foam packing chips along the border. What evolved from our commitment to a night of thrifty dining was an epiphany of ‘do’s and don’ts.’ Don’t settle for a high top table. We powered through the crackers in a cholesterol-laden heartbeat and had a mountain of cheese left, so we tapped our knives on our glasses until our server noticed and graciously agreed to bring us more.

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